its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
