Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
