So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
