No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
