Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
