Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
