no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
