he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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