Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
