Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
