too bad you live with your parents still
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
