I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
