There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
