I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
