I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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