I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Less talking, more tequila
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
