i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
