Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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