U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
