apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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