Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
