Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
