it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
