I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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