just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
