Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
