dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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