last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
