"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
