So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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