You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
