Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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