We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
