Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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