I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
