I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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