quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
