Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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