So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
