Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
