Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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