remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
