remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
