We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
