apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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