**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
