My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
