Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
