I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
