ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
