and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
