But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you had me at cake vodka
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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