At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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