I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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